A Long Day

Now that the snow's pretty much melted, people are dieing to get out of the house. These last two days at the Bird have been quite a bit busier than its been in quite sometime, but yesterday was especially crazy. I came on at noon as an expo, and by 1:30 I had realized that it was going to be a busier day than usual. I was able to sneak away for a half hour to eat some lunch at 2:45. I clocked back on at 3:15, and wouldn't get another break of any sort until I clocked off. I started serving at 4. Our lobby was full all night with people waiting to be sat. That night was ran out of cheddar cheese, hamburger patties, white buns (twice), wheat buns, clucks and fries, prime rib dip, and almost ranch dressing. It was disasterous. I dropped a tray of food, and spilled a glass of wine on a girl celebrating her 21st birthday. It just wasn't my night. I finally clocked off at 11:15. What a night!

Dangle your carrot? But we're in Public!

I saw this ad on Facebook and it made me giggle. I get what they're trying to say, but I think the ad guys should have thought a little more before they came out with this one...

I guess I still have the mind of a perverted high school Boy

Storm

What's the deal with Portland and weather? I don't mean the city, I mean the people. I think they just love to complain about the weather. It doesn't matter what it is, rain, shine, tidal wave, whatever, the complaints come rolling in. Facebook is constantly overwhelmed with statuses like

"has been trapped inside for 2 weeks because of the snow," "is sick of the rain," or "can't stand the heat." You weren't snowed in, it was 6 inches of snow. You should be used to the rain after living in Portland for God knows how long. And why not enjoy the sunlight, you only get it for about 3 months a year. I hear the same people complain about all sorts of weather, and I'm just curious what their ideal climate is. 

The past two weeks, the murmuring has gotten particularly annoying. It snowed some, but from the talk you would've thought it was armageddon. Everyone was saying they were snowed in, there was 24 hour news coverage on the storm, and the city basically shut down for two weeks. If you turned on the news they would tell you that if you go outside you will get in a car accident, get frostbite, and then die. Pretty silly that everyone went into a two week long seizure over the maybe one foot of snow.

But it looks like the snow's finally over, and we're back to the normal winter rain in Portland. I'm just glad that people are starting to function again

Bell-Ringers

Its Christmas time and the Salvation Army bell-ringers are in the store. I usually like to give some money to those guys, I mean it is Christmas and while I'm spending money on everyone else I might as well pitch in to help a good cause. Problem is, I've only seen those guys twice so far this year and both times they've been sitting there texting. Makes me not want to donate. I'm sure the job is boring beyond belief, so I understand, but it just kinda turns me off. Well I'm sure I'll find one thats not distracted before the season's over

Pranked?

There's this kid I work with at the Bird. He's a host, probably 16 or 17, so I'll try to cut him some slack for the lower maturity level... But... Ok, here's the deal, he walks around saying "your shoes untied." Then when you look down he laughs hysterically, and says something like "aw man, I got you so good." Thats not a prank, its just lying. I could call up my roommate and ask him to pick up some toilet paper cause we're all out, then when he gets home say "Dude, just kidding, we have a whole pack right here, I can't believe you fell for it, you're so stupid!" There would be no reason for my roommate to think we weren't out of toilet paper, and there's no reason to ever think your shoes not untied... I could see the humor if a person was wearing sandals, or barefoot or something. But come on man, figure out funny

Worn Out

The plan was to work nights at Target 'til school started back up... I've been doing it for 4 weeks and I'm totally worn out. Today at Red Robin I was barely functional. We'll see how long I can tough this out for

Jack Ryan

So I watched Patriot Games the other day. Which is an awesome movie. Anyway, it prompted me to google Jack Ryan. There have been 4 Jack Ryan movies, and a number of books. Anyway, I was super disappointed to see that there are plans for a new Jack Ryan movie staring... Ryan Gosling. Putting Ryan Gosling in a movie is a great way to discourage dudes from watching anything. Not that Ben Afleck and Alec Baldwin are great (I had a hard time getting through The Hunt for Red October for quite some time because of Alec Baldwin). Although Ben Afleck is a pretty good choice if you're trying to cast a young Alec Baldwin. Maybe Harrison Ford just gave me high standards for Jack Ryan

Reasons

Reasons not to vote for McCain

1. He's old: He's 72, which really isn't that old. Lets try to steer away from discrimination, K Democrats? Not an honorable trait 
2. He's sided with Bush 90% of the time: Name something you dislike that Bush did other than the war. Cat got your tongue?
3. Palin's from Alaska and they're all backwards up there: Discrimination again? Come on guys

Reasons to vote for Obama

1. He's a good speaker

Sorry Democrats, I'm smarter than that

The Manning's

So we all know that Peyton's the best quarterback of the Manning's (no disrespect Archie, we still think you're tight). Plus he's way more likable than Eli. He had those awesome commercials a couple years back ("you're my favorite accountant..." classic), and he doesn't always look like he could burst into tears at any given moment. Anyway, we know Peyton is 1 billion times better than Eli, but it doesn't look that way this season. Eli's looking really good. And Peyton?... Not so much. So what's the deal? Here's my theory...

We know that Peyton had two surgeries during the off-season. We've been told that they were both knee surgeries, but thats not true. The first was a knee surgery, the second was that surgery from FACEOFF (that movie with Nick Cage, and John Travolta). So Eli and Peyton secretly switched places. Its kind of like in The Parent Trap where those twins switch places just for funzies, only a lot more expensive and controversial. So in reality Eli's playing on the Colts and Peyton's playing for the Giants, which explains why the Giants are kicking butt and Indy's only mediocre. It makes sense if you think about it. In fact if you really think about it, its the only logical explanation.

Plus here's these, just because they make me laugh...

I'm not voting! Take that politicians!

So lately I've noticed a lot of people saying that they aren't going to vote, and they're proud of it. I don't get it. That's not admirable, thats dismal. Some guys actually started a Facebook group called "I refuse to vote for the lesser of two evils." The whole point is that they aren't going to vote for president because any vote they cast would only be against the other candidate not for the one they're voting for. I also have one friend who has led an online campaign against Obama based on his position on abortion. His point is that it is a conflict of interest for a Christian to support Obama. However this friend of mine isn't voting and refuses to register.

How 'bout this instead of voting for the lesser of two evils, vote for the best of six. One of these six people running has to fit you're values better than the other five. If ending the war in iraq is important to you, pick the candidate that will end the war sooner (Obama). If saving social security (a program that has served its purpose and is no longer useful) is important vote for the candidate who will stop at nothing to save it (Obama). If solving the gas crisis now is important vote for the candidate who will solve it now (McCain). If not vote for the candidate who wants to make small steps toward more fuel efficient cars in the next 10-15 years (Obama). If abortion is important to you vote for the candidate that shares your values on unborn life. Vote for a candidate that shares your views on health care, or education, or gun control, or whatever. If you don't feel comfortable voting for McCain or Obama there's four other dudes you could pick. Vote for Baldwin, he seems like an all right dude. Get educated and make a choice. Stop mistaking your ignorance and apathy for defiance.

You'll probably never find a candidate that is everything you want in a president, but until you do, I guess you can keep refusing to vote. 

whining

Recently I've noticed a lot of parents whining at their kids. I don't like whining in general, although I'm sure I do it more than I realize. But it seems to me that whining at your kids is a little too far. Try telling your children what to do. You're the parent, you should have the authority. If you don't, maybe try disciplining your kid on occasion. Than maybe they'll listen to you and even respect you. 

Kids are supposed to whine at their parents, not the other way around. Frankly, if you're a dad whining at your kid, you're pretty pathetic. Grow a pair

8 reasons people call me

So the other night I went to see "The Mummy 3: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor," or at least I think that's what its called. Anyway Brenden, Marcos, and Jeanie apparently really wanted to hang out with me, because they called me 30 times and filled up my voicemail box. Here's some of the reason's people want to hang out with me.

"Oh Ted help me, 

I accicently travelled back in time to the prehistoric times. I'm afraid I'm going to be devoured by dinosaurs very quickly. You're my only hope, you're the only person I can get through to. Give me a call, for the love of God, I need to get back to the present time which is the future for me. Give me a call, bye."

-Brenden McBrayer

"Hey Ted, 

Its Brenden again. I accidentally drank a cup of human blood and I'm afraid I'm going to turn into a vampire. I really just need someone to hold my hand through this. Go ahead and give me a call back if you can. I don't want to wait 'til sunlight."

-Brenden McBrayer

"Hey Ted, 

I just got a letter in the mail from the maker, the inventor, of string cheese, and apparently he's suing me, I'm stuck in a law suit with him. He says that I ripped him off in some way. I don't remember trying to say that I invented string cheese. But if you could give me a call back that would be good, I could use the legal advice. All right, thanks a lot brother, bye."

-Brenden McBrayer

"Hey Ted,

Its Brenden. I accidentally killed Michael J. Fox and I need somebody to help me bury the body. If you could just give me a call back that would be appreciated, bye."

-Brenden McBrayer

"Hey Ted,

Its Brenden. I just successfully cloned a wooly mammoth. I don't know what to feed it though. If you could go with me down to Petsmart or something like that it would be much appreciated. All right, call me back brother, bye."

-Brenden McBrayer

"Hey Ted,

  I just got hit by a meteorite and I seem to have gained super-powers. I'm afraid that a super-villian is not far behind. If you could give me a call and maybe we could work on this together. I need a costume, I need a cape, I need a superhero name... I need some sort of secret identity. So if you could give me a call back with that it would be much appreciated. All right, thank you brother."

-Brenden McBrayer

"Hey Ted, 

Its Brenden. I just bought an RV and I'm gonna go to Indianapolis this weekend, I was hoping you would come with me. Anyways I'll call you later, bye."

-Brenden McBrayer

"Hey Ted, 

Its Brenden. I'm stuck in a copy of Moby Dick in the downtown municipal library. Its kinda like that movie Pagemaster with Macaulay Culkin. I have a copy of Catcher in the Rye with me, and he's trying to help me escape. But it would really help if you would go downtown and rent that copy of that book so that someone doesn't take me home. It would be much appreciated. All right, thanks a lot brother, bye."

-Brenden McBrayer

26 dang

So I turned 26 the other day. This was the first time I've celebrated a birthday while not in Reno. So my expectations for the day were fairly low. I pictured myself sitting in my room all day checking myspace over and over again. But it actually turned out pretty good. My friends took care of me. 

On Tuesday Brendan called me while I was at work and said "Tonight you're hanging out with me, Jeanie, and Amanda. And Tomorrow I'm taking you out to lunch." So I showed up at Brenden's house that evening. Where he gave me my hat that he had thought was stolen. So that was exciting. We went and picked up Jeaners and Mandy and then headed to Fubonn the Asian supermaket/mall. But it was closed. So we decided to go to the nickel arcade. I played Indiana Jones Pinball (in honor of the pops), air hockey, Semi-truck driving game, several shooting games, and some others. 

The next day I went to sushi with Brenden, Jeaners, and Tim. They do a free meal on your birthday, so that was wicked tight. It didn't compare to Reno sushi, but it was fun.

That night a group of us went black light mini-golfing. It was a good time, and of course I won because, well, I'm awesome. After that we went back to my apartment and enjoyed some beers.

Thank you to everyone who participated in my birthday it was a great time and you guys are awesome. Here's what I got.

A Ninja Turtles Cereal Bowl

a ridiculously enormous box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch

an Ewoks Lunchbox (Thank you Brenden and Jeaners)

an itunes giftcard (Thanks Jon)

a Best Buy Giftcard (Thanks Ray and Carley, My favorite store, you know me too well)

A Fart Whistle (Thanks Mandy)

Indiana Jones Mad Libs (You're the best Mom)

Creed's Greatest Hits (Thank you Michael, and thanks for the gift receipt)

I have cool friends 

Its my birthday!

go celebrate

My Dream/movie

So I had a curious dream the other night. I found it amusing. Here's what happened. I was in Reno, at church, with my family. And for some reason they were showing a movie instead of doing church. I don't know a whole lot about the the movie. But I do know enough to know that it was made in the late 80's or early 90's. I could tell because the three actors I recognized in the movie haven't done much acting since then. I could also tell that it would've been a badass movie.
The movie starred Nick Nolte from 48 hours, and Gary Busey who played the bad guy in Lethal Weapon. The two of them played hardcore criminal siblings teaming up to jack some fools up. In my dream I was super excited to see the two of them in a movie together because I have always thought that they were the same dude, trying to make extra money by making movies as two different dudes.

The Next scene had this guy, Reginald VelJohnson, who's best known for playing Carl in family matters, but he should be best known for his role as Al in Die Hard. I don't know where he fit into the movie except for the fact that he was for some reason yelling angrily at Barack Obama.
I was disappointed when I woke up and realized that this movie didn't exist. Someone should make it.

Pride

Tonight was a mostly uneventful night. But it was surprisingly eventful considering its uneventfulness. After getting off work I sat down to write a blog about the movie I invented in my dream last night. It was rad! Before I got started I got a phone call from a friend I hadn't talked to in a long time. Congratulations to you.
I hung out with Tim for the first time in quite a while. It resulted in too much Taco Bell, discovering that we both have blogs, watching the news, Mad Libs, and Nightmare on Elm Street 2. It was a good night, although Nightmare on Elm Street 2 isn't good.
At one point in the night we somehow started talking about the random text message I got today that said "I'm proud of you." Tim made the hilarious comment "I haven't done anything I'm proud of in the past 48 hours."
After Tim left I started reading through some of his old blog posts (that sounds creepy to me, but its not). It made me admire him, it made me proud of him. Sometimes I forget to admire my friends, its nice to remember the awesome kind of people they are. Not just awesome like fun to hang out with but awesome like exceptional.
Maybe tomorrow you'll hear about my sweet dream/movie

BrainFreeze

So I was gonna tell the story about the time I got brainfreeze on the freeway and I couldn't see and I thought I was gonna get in an accident because I was blinded by my tears. But I decided against it. Here's my reasoning. Lately that seems to be like my favorite story to tell, which initially seems like a good reason to share it with the world (because I know everyone reads my blog, people can't stop talking about it, its a hit! right?) via my blog. However, I realize that I'm much more funny in person. So I'm gonna keep that one up my sleeve. I'll use it as the hilarious story I use to impress girls on dates. So if you're really interested in hearing about my brainfreeze you'll have to date me...ladies?

Anti-Oregon

Recently I've come to the realization that I miss doing graphic design. Not That I want to do it professionally, I actually think that would suck, but I do enjoy it. So I've been taking whatever opportunities I get to do some design work, I've also been brainstorming ideas. My most recent idea is an anti-Oregon t-shirt campaign (shout out to Mike Brown). To all of my Oregonian friends, don't get too upset. I don't hate Oregon by any means, I just think that they do things weird here, namely driving and driving related activities. I also think more attention needs to be brought to the things that Oregon is bad at. 

So Here's what I've got so far

"I pump my own gas"

"I drive 75"

"I do u-turns"

let me know if you have any other ideas for me of why Oregon's stupid

HOSTAGE

So if you're my friend you might have heard that there was a "hostage situation" at my apartment complex. Thats the way we do it at the manor. It was some pretty crazy stuff. Mike Brown and I were sitting in my apartment doing Mad Libs and watching a live Rush dvd that Matt left on. I heard four loud bangs like someone angrily knocking on a door, and then a couple of seconds later my roommate matt walked in with a weird look on his face. 

"Did you guys hear any fighting or anything like that downstairs?"

"no, what's up?"

"Well there's like 10 cops downstairs about to bust into the apartment." (the one directly below us)

So of course I stepped outside to see what was going on. I looked down over the balcony to see several police officers. One of them yelled at me to go back inside until they had everything resolved, another asked if I had heard any fighting coming from the apartment below us, I answered that I hadn't.

So we went back inside and waited for things to cool off, go out on the patio and peaking out the windows from time to time to try to see what was going on. Someone knocked on our door and upon opening an officer asked to come in. She asked us again if we had heard fighting, and we told her no, not today, but explained that we had heard the couple fight on several occasions before. She thanked us and left. We assumed that the situation was over and after a couple of minutes stepped outside to investigate. We were immediately welcomed by an officer telling us to step back inside and warning us not to go out on the patio again. 

So we waited inside and wondered. A half hour or so passed before we heard a voice on a loud speaker.

"Sir we have reason to believe you are holding your girlfriend hostage, and maybe the children too. We're going to call you on your Cell phone."

Shocked we looked out our windows and balcony to see what was happening. We found the apartment to be surrounded by cops (15-20 of them) hiding in the bushes with guns drawn, assault rifles and such. Again, we heard the loud speaker. 

"You didn't answer your cell phone, its possible that we have the wrong number, if you're not getting our calls I urge you to call 911 and talk to us. We're not leaving. The best thing you can do is talk to us."

We waited inside for probably another 45 minutes. Then started looking around again. We couldn't see any of the cops in the bushes, so curiously and cautiously we stepped outside one more to investigate. The cops were gone and there was no sign of them. We don't know what exactly happened other than that the problem must've been resolved.