Speech Contest

Last year at about this time I entered a school speech contest. I'm not too excited about public speaking, but I liked the idea a winning 50 bucks. I threw some things together and entered a couple of categories. I read Cake's "The Distance" for the poetry portion, and a friend and I read "Green Eggs and Ham" for the dynamic duo competition. I didn't win in either of those categories, although we did get honorable mention for green eggs and ham. But I did win in the Persuasive speech category. My speech was on action heros, and it was awesome. I actually found a recording of when I gave it in chapel online... you can listen to it here if you want.

The speech contest is coming up again next week, and I'd like to put something together, but I'm having a hard time coming up with ideas. So, if you have anything awesome that people need to be persuaded of, toss your ideas this way. Maybe I'll even share the prize with you.

Soda Snobbery

I'm a self-proclaimed soda snob. I like soda, and I like it a certain way. In fact I think that soda is one of the things, if not the thing, I am most opinionated about. I have all kinds of rules and hierarchies to follow. These are things that I think through almost every time I choose a drink.

Unacceptables

First off there are certain sodas I won't drink and others that I won't even tolerate. First and foremost is imitation Dr. Pepper. I'm talking about sodas like Dr. Skipper and Dr. Thunder.  These so-called beverages aren't allowed in any house I live in, or in the homes of people dear to me. My mom once had a 2-liter of Dr Thunder in her house... I about blew a gasket. She explained that it was leftover from a college group party and I settled down. But I wasn't happy about it. Mr. Pibb, or Pibb Xtra as he likes to be called, is the only acceptable substitution for Dr. Pepper, but he makes me sad. Other sodas you won't catch me drinking include Sierra Mist, many of the varieties of Mtn. Dew.

2-Liters

Secondly, I will never buy a 2-liter soda. I won't refuse it either, but when buying soda I'll always pay the extra money to get it in the cans. And, to be honest, I often catch myself judging the people who do buy 2-liters. I don't appreciate flat soda, and 2-liters quickly lose their carbonation. I understand that they are convenient for parties and get-togethers, and I accept that, but only because they will often gone within an hour or two, which leaves them little time to get flat. I do enjoy it when someone buys a 2-liter of Dr. Pepper with me in mind, I feel so much more important when they spring for the cans. 

Hierarchies 

Thirdly, I feel that every soda has a hierarchy of goodness. In these hierarchies I include can, bottle, and fountain. The Dr. is best from the fountain, then the can, and finally the bottle. Mountain Dew products go bottle, fountain, can. Pepsi is can, bottle, fountain. Other sodas also have these hierarchies, but these three are the most important to me.

Other Important Points

I love Dr. Pepper, when given the choice I will pick it 97% of the time. I am usually somewhat upset when I'm at a restaurant and they don't have Dr. Pepper. When Dr. Pepper is not offered in the fountain I default to Fanta or Mtn. Dew. Nothing is more obnoxious than ordering Dr. Pepper and being offered Root Beer (I know it sounds odd, but it does happen from time to time). I think Mountain Dew tastes exactly like green Otter Pops. Given the choice I will almost always pick Pepsi over Coke. The exception is the fountain. I prefer fountain Coke to fountain Pepsi. I don't love root beer, but in a glass bottle its amazing, from the tap (not the fountain) its even better. Bottled soda is not my favorite, but there is a couple of sodas I love in the bottle. These include Ruby Red Squirt, Mountain Dew: Code Red, Mountain Dew: Livewire, and Mountain Dew: OG.

I understand that many of you might think I'm silly for being so opinionated about something as trivial as soda. But I assure you i have strong opinions on many other trivial things (such as funniness), and I'm sure, when you stop to think about it, you do too.

A Long Day

Now that the snow's pretty much melted, people are dieing to get out of the house. These last two days at the Bird have been quite a bit busier than its been in quite sometime, but yesterday was especially crazy. I came on at noon as an expo, and by 1:30 I had realized that it was going to be a busier day than usual. I was able to sneak away for a half hour to eat some lunch at 2:45. I clocked back on at 3:15, and wouldn't get another break of any sort until I clocked off. I started serving at 4. Our lobby was full all night with people waiting to be sat. That night was ran out of cheddar cheese, hamburger patties, white buns (twice), wheat buns, clucks and fries, prime rib dip, and almost ranch dressing. It was disasterous. I dropped a tray of food, and spilled a glass of wine on a girl celebrating her 21st birthday. It just wasn't my night. I finally clocked off at 11:15. What a night!

Dangle your carrot? But we're in Public!

I saw this ad on Facebook and it made me giggle. I get what they're trying to say, but I think the ad guys should have thought a little more before they came out with this one...

I guess I still have the mind of a perverted high school Boy

Storm

What's the deal with Portland and weather? I don't mean the city, I mean the people. I think they just love to complain about the weather. It doesn't matter what it is, rain, shine, tidal wave, whatever, the complaints come rolling in. Facebook is constantly overwhelmed with statuses like

"has been trapped inside for 2 weeks because of the snow," "is sick of the rain," or "can't stand the heat." You weren't snowed in, it was 6 inches of snow. You should be used to the rain after living in Portland for God knows how long. And why not enjoy the sunlight, you only get it for about 3 months a year. I hear the same people complain about all sorts of weather, and I'm just curious what their ideal climate is. 

The past two weeks, the murmuring has gotten particularly annoying. It snowed some, but from the talk you would've thought it was armageddon. Everyone was saying they were snowed in, there was 24 hour news coverage on the storm, and the city basically shut down for two weeks. If you turned on the news they would tell you that if you go outside you will get in a car accident, get frostbite, and then die. Pretty silly that everyone went into a two week long seizure over the maybe one foot of snow.

But it looks like the snow's finally over, and we're back to the normal winter rain in Portland. I'm just glad that people are starting to function again

Bell-Ringers

Its Christmas time and the Salvation Army bell-ringers are in the store. I usually like to give some money to those guys, I mean it is Christmas and while I'm spending money on everyone else I might as well pitch in to help a good cause. Problem is, I've only seen those guys twice so far this year and both times they've been sitting there texting. Makes me not want to donate. I'm sure the job is boring beyond belief, so I understand, but it just kinda turns me off. Well I'm sure I'll find one thats not distracted before the season's over

Pranked?

There's this kid I work with at the Bird. He's a host, probably 16 or 17, so I'll try to cut him some slack for the lower maturity level... But... Ok, here's the deal, he walks around saying "your shoes untied." Then when you look down he laughs hysterically, and says something like "aw man, I got you so good." Thats not a prank, its just lying. I could call up my roommate and ask him to pick up some toilet paper cause we're all out, then when he gets home say "Dude, just kidding, we have a whole pack right here, I can't believe you fell for it, you're so stupid!" There would be no reason for my roommate to think we weren't out of toilet paper, and there's no reason to ever think your shoes not untied... I could see the humor if a person was wearing sandals, or barefoot or something. But come on man, figure out funny