Soda Snobbery

I'm a self-proclaimed soda snob. I like soda, and I like it a certain way. In fact I think that soda is one of the things, if not the thing, I am most opinionated about. I have all kinds of rules and hierarchies to follow. These are things that I think through almost every time I choose a drink.

Unacceptables

First off there are certain sodas I won't drink and others that I won't even tolerate. First and foremost is imitation Dr. Pepper. I'm talking about sodas like Dr. Skipper and Dr. Thunder.  These so-called beverages aren't allowed in any house I live in, or in the homes of people dear to me. My mom once had a 2-liter of Dr Thunder in her house... I about blew a gasket. She explained that it was leftover from a college group party and I settled down. But I wasn't happy about it. Mr. Pibb, or Pibb Xtra as he likes to be called, is the only acceptable substitution for Dr. Pepper, but he makes me sad. Other sodas you won't catch me drinking include Sierra Mist, many of the varieties of Mtn. Dew.

2-Liters

Secondly, I will never buy a 2-liter soda. I won't refuse it either, but when buying soda I'll always pay the extra money to get it in the cans. And, to be honest, I often catch myself judging the people who do buy 2-liters. I don't appreciate flat soda, and 2-liters quickly lose their carbonation. I understand that they are convenient for parties and get-togethers, and I accept that, but only because they will often gone within an hour or two, which leaves them little time to get flat. I do enjoy it when someone buys a 2-liter of Dr. Pepper with me in mind, I feel so much more important when they spring for the cans. 

Hierarchies 

Thirdly, I feel that every soda has a hierarchy of goodness. In these hierarchies I include can, bottle, and fountain. The Dr. is best from the fountain, then the can, and finally the bottle. Mountain Dew products go bottle, fountain, can. Pepsi is can, bottle, fountain. Other sodas also have these hierarchies, but these three are the most important to me.

Other Important Points

I love Dr. Pepper, when given the choice I will pick it 97% of the time. I am usually somewhat upset when I'm at a restaurant and they don't have Dr. Pepper. When Dr. Pepper is not offered in the fountain I default to Fanta or Mtn. Dew. Nothing is more obnoxious than ordering Dr. Pepper and being offered Root Beer (I know it sounds odd, but it does happen from time to time). I think Mountain Dew tastes exactly like green Otter Pops. Given the choice I will almost always pick Pepsi over Coke. The exception is the fountain. I prefer fountain Coke to fountain Pepsi. I don't love root beer, but in a glass bottle its amazing, from the tap (not the fountain) its even better. Bottled soda is not my favorite, but there is a couple of sodas I love in the bottle. These include Ruby Red Squirt, Mountain Dew: Code Red, Mountain Dew: Livewire, and Mountain Dew: OG.

I understand that many of you might think I'm silly for being so opinionated about something as trivial as soda. But I assure you i have strong opinions on many other trivial things (such as funniness), and I'm sure, when you stop to think about it, you do too.